ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR QUESTIONS
The older I get the more convinced I am that really successful people know how to ask the right questions rather than knowing all the answers. If you know how to question, you can find the answers, for yourself. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. With this in mind we must encourage our children’s curiosity and be there to listen to their rambling musings. We need to ask questions about their questions rather than providing all the answers.
According to eminent psychologist and educator, Roger Schank (Colouring Outside the Lines, Harper Collins, 2000) some parents don’t have time for their kids’ questions or dismiss them as stupid or inconsequential. Other parents take great pains to answer every question in detail, giving mini-lectures in response to queries. Neither of these approaches, in his opinion, fosters learning.
He says that if we answer our children’s questions directly we destroy the possibility of exploratory learning, and providing a mini-lecture runs the risk of boring your child and flicking the learning switch off in his / her mind.
He explains that most children (and most people in general) don’t ask questions to receive answers. They ask them because they’re intrigued, puzzled, and provoked. They want the chance to bounce ideas off an expert, to get some guidance so they can find the answer themselves. This is especially true when children ask open-ended questions (“Why do we die? “Why do birds have wings and we don’t?”), but it’s also true when they ask factual questions. Instead of answering a question about why a pelican has such a funny shaped bill, for example, ask questions back about what a pelican eats that might necessitate a bill that shape, leading them to discovering the answer by themselves.
Sometimes children may find this approach a bit frustrating, but it also meets their need for social, interactive learning as opposed to the more traditional broadcast approach, where an adult, usually a teacher or parent, tells them or transmits all the facts without offering space for exploratory learning or conversation.
Exploratory learning helps children to become resourceful learners who are excellent problem solvers. You want your child to question a lot and to hit dead ends from time to time – to fail, especially at something that interests them. If our children know we won’t yell at them for asking “stupid” questions, and that we are interested in their ideas and how their mind works, then they will be prepared to risk asking more. This starts with your relationship. It’s about connectedness and trust. Your child must know she can ask you anything without judgement. Then the real conversations can begin.
NIKKI BUSH
nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za
http://www.brightideasoutfit.com/
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