RESPECT, MANNERS, LADIES & GENTLEMEN
“Hair, teeth, face,” was a daily refrain in our home when our children were in preschool and junior primary. It was the short form for, “Have you brushed your hair? Have you put your sun cream on? Have you brushed your teeth?” I am always fascinated with how parents instil values, practices and attitudes in their children and how they get their message across. When a friend’s 16 year old daughter recently heard me sharing my “hair, teeth, face” story, she looked across at her mum with wide eyes and said, “Oh, that’s like you used to say: “respect, manners, ladies and gentlemen” to us!”. I could almost hear her thinking, “Thanks goodness, other families also have their funny quirks too!” Her mum went on to explain their family mantra which they use as the basis for values in their home:
Are you being respectful?
Is it good manners?
Are you being a lady or a gentleman?
I thought this was a lovely, simple way to help children assess their behaviour, actions and responses – a framework to use when having discussions with your child. It certainly beats authoritarian discipline by helping children to assess themselves through healthy conversation with you rather than through confrontation. It provides a means for you to subtly direct behaviour modification using upward management instead of the traditional top-down, command and control method.
And the beauty of a short sound bite? It makes the message memorable for life. What are the chances that these two wonderful teenagers will bring up their children with a similar mantra too, one day?
NIKKI BUSH
Creative parenting expert, inspirational speaker and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008), and Easy Answers to Awkward Questions (Metz Press, 2009)
nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za
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