Parenting Matters - May Article 3

DIG DEEP IN THE EARLY YEARS

Some farmers are lucky. They have a farm with naturally fertile ground, good quality soil, plenty of water, few rocks and a good climate to boot. Then you get the farmers who land up with rocky soil, miles from a natural water source, exposed to extreme weather conditions, and they still choose to farm despite constant challenges. The common denominator is that all farmers must prepare their soil, feed it, till it, weed it, plant it and water it if they are to yield a good, healthy crop.

In much the same way some parents have children with few issues, who are pretty competent at everything, and sometimes downright good, while others have children who are challenged in one area or another, and like the farmer with the rocky soil, they may need to spend a little more time on this aspect. Sometimes parents have to move some rocks out of the way for their children to flourish and grow. Other times, they may need to till the soil a little deeper or give the soil a bit of extra fertiliser to make up for a deficiency or a particular weakness. In still other cases, parents need to remove weeds that may have decided to take up residence in their child.

We, as parents, get what we get and then we do whatever it takes to give our children the best shot at life. It certainly takes an investment of time, effort, understanding, insight and a lot of love and faith. And there are no guarantees. What is becoming more and more obvious to me, the older my children become and the more specialists I interview, is that good preparation needs to take place in the early years in areas such as self-esteem, self-worth, resilience, social skills, healing of childhood traumas and creating a sense of belonging. We need to dig deep and do what is necessary long before our children get to high school so that they have a wide, deep and solid foundation from which to launch into their teenage years.

With a staggering figure of 40% of young girls going into puberty around 10 years of age today, this advice is particularly relevant to primary school parents. Prepare early by putting these protective factors in place so that you can enjoy the exciting and fascinating teenage years. It will also ensure that you and your child will have a relationship to fall back on, should you experience some ups and downs. You see, puberty is not an illness to be cured, but rather a stage to be celebrated and watched with awe. Don’t fear what is to come, prepare that soil – now, and then you can watch your child evolve and treasure their unfolding,

NIKKI BUSH

Creative parenting expert, inspirational speaker and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008), and Easy Answers to Awkward Questions (Metz Press, 2009)

nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za

http://www.brightideasoutfit.com/