Parenting Matters- May 2011

Dear Clients and Colleagues

We get so uptight about doing things perfectly, from providing our children with a perfect education to the perfect party, and the most perfect life we can create for them (and more). Our pursuits can be accurately called perfection addiction -- a process that calls us into judgement all the time, mostly with ourselves because we feel guilty if we don't measure up to our expectations, which is often the picture of looking good, to the outside world.

I was recently reminded by Irish philosopher and leadership expert, Sean Weafer, that the essence of life is not about being perfect but about perfecting. We are all walking a unique path in the company of others. We must discover and uncover that uniqueness -- and children will help you to do just that -- if you give them half a chance to be their authentic selves instead of training them to play the looking good game too.

We fall in to this trap so easily because society supports it, and because we have become so numb to our own emotions, our own need to feel. So, when it comes to birthday parties, for example, do we allow our children to get involved in making the invitations, decorations, the food and wrapping the prizes? Or do we keep all these things to ourselves, calling it hard work, instead of fun? Do our children get to really live their parties -- to breath life into them -- which include the planning, the putting together as well as the enjoyment of the event itself, or are they just visitors dropping in for a while to attend a well-executed event?

They need and want to be part of the process, not just the pretty outcome. It's part of how memories are made, and how lifeskills are acquired. It's part of building a life and living it. It's about living, loving and appreciating.

We will all do things differently and hold varying opinions, from birthday parties to our children's education and how we spend our time and our money. On many issues there is no longer a strictly right or wrong or black and white answer. Rather, there are many shades of grey often due to diverse backgrounds, religions, circumstances, family make up, financial situations etc. These are the things that impact on our choices or our ability to make choices, and we need to honour our journey of perfecting that which we are, and that which we are becoming.

"Out on the edge of town, beyond the place of right and wrong; there is a field. Let's meet there."-Rumi

I look forward to journeying with many of you at some of my up and coming workshops in May and June. Let's move beyond the pursuit of perfection to authentic connection -- with ourselves and our children. They can tell the difference!

Kind regards

NIKKI BUSH
nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za
http://www.brightideasoutfit.com/